Dear Mr Cold Caller (Chris)
It is heartening, even heart warming to know that in spite of the fact that I have joined the Telephone Preference service, you still choose me to speak to quite as regularly as you do. I am honoured, and even slightly humbled, that the mere fact that what you are doing is technically illegal, you still find it within yourself to brighten my day up with all your flirtatious chatter about loft insulation. You certainly know how to get a man going. 43 years of heterosexuality nearly went straight out of the window as you chose to ignore my requests to be left alone on four occasions this week. It is of course with deep regret that I took your call this afternoon, whereby you explained your distress at the way I spoke to you earlier. I thought it was all part of our deep courtship ritual whereby you continually irritated me until I exploded in a rather childish and petulant way, and not only cast aspersions as to the exact identity of your parents, but also used a very bad word that means vagina. The fact that you ended up phoning me to complain, perhaps explains the depths of my embarrassment for this unwarranted outburst. Rest assured, that no matter how much of a vagina I think you are, I promise that I will never tell you outright ever again, that would just spoil the romance wouldn’t it?
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